Okay. Pretty sure I'm back on the horse, so to speak. (That's even punny, if you go with the "horse" as being one of those "art horse" benches. Puns are always good.)
So I'm trying to do a kind of "catch up" post--what's happened between October 15, 2011 (my last post) and now.
Hmm....
Okay, clearly I'm not going to be able to fill you in on eight years--that's ridiculous. And while I do tend to run on when writing, I don't necessarily want to, here. So, (my best attempt at) the short version is this:
I'd never learned how to draw--always told myself I preferred doing to learning to do--just letting my output be a spontaneous expression of my drawing experience. And there's (quite a bit of) truth to that statement.
I'm also realizing that not learning technique has kept me feeling safe--if you don't know how to do it in the first place, you can't really fail at it, right? Failing is scary, doesn't feel good, and is also (when it comes to personal creativity) almost completely living-only-in-my-head-and-not-in-the-real-world fake. An illusion. Not real. Nonexistent.
But I've always been a rules guy. With everything--in all my living.
As I've gotten older, I've begun working to sluff some of that stuff off--the external, authority-based way of seeing the world, and of judging my own "performance" in that world. Living shouldn't be a performance; it should be living. So I'm trying to learn to just "be" me, and I'm trying to learn to let my being me, be enough. More than enough--to let me being me be perfect (say that three times fast). For me. Being me is perfect for me.
What's that have to do with drawing? Well, nothing and everything. Drawing is (has been) one of the ways I've expressed myself throughout my life. And, like most everything else, I've done it with lots of shoulds and shouldn'ts, comparisons and judgements, I'll never be good enoughs and why even trys.
And now I'm saying fuck that, right? Or trying to. It's pretty deeply entrenched, in all my nooks and crannies, art ones included. So I guess what's coming out, here, is that this (blog) is becoming a place for me to record my journey--my ongoing attempts at letting go of my life-long fears of "doing it wrong" as they relate to my art. And to the rest of my living, because it's all intertwined for me.
So (and here's the "short version" part), eight years went by without my picking up a pen or pencil to draw anything at all (occasional quickly aborted attempts notwithstanding). Then, early last spring, I decided to jump back in.
"Jump[ing] back in" involved me trying to pick up exactly where I'd left off, nearly a decade ago, as though no time had passed at all. Not the best idea, in hindsight.
Figure drawing was my first love--considered to be the most difficult drawing subject to tackle, to be done only after mastering all the more basic and intermediate skill sets. Well, I never bothered with those more basic skills back in the day, jumping straight into figure drawing, initially from photographs and then live models.
So last Spring, ignoring the almost decade long drawing-dearth and its likelihood of accompanying drop in confidence, I found some short-pose model sessions online (no way was I brave enough to show up to a live session at that point) and tried my hand at those. And basically, I realized pretty quick I don't know (and never have known) how to gesture draw...
What I mean is, all my previous figure drawing had been either from photographs or in a live setting (with long poses), and I realized I have no idea how to translate that into quickly grabbing lines of action, distilling things down, etc. Apparently it's a whole different way of seeing. (Who knew?)
So. Having had that recognition, I was led, initially, to an intense but short-livedobsession focus on working to learn how to gesture draw--still focusing on figures--before deciding I wanted (and needed) to go all the way back to (non-figure) basics and start there: Learn the things I never learned, but according to my own interests and ways of doing/being.
Because while creating spontaneously sans technique is freeing (and safe-feeling) in it's own right, I'm realizing now I also want to build skill that in turn allows even more freedom as I continue along my winding way.
So I'm trying to do a kind of "catch up" post--what's happened between October 15, 2011 (my last post) and now.
Hmm....
Okay, clearly I'm not going to be able to fill you in on eight years--that's ridiculous. And while I do tend to run on when writing, I don't necessarily want to, here. So, (my best attempt at) the short version is this:
I'd never learned how to draw--always told myself I preferred doing to learning to do--just letting my output be a spontaneous expression of my drawing experience. And there's (quite a bit of) truth to that statement.
I'm also realizing that not learning technique has kept me feeling safe--if you don't know how to do it in the first place, you can't really fail at it, right? Failing is scary, doesn't feel good, and is also (when it comes to personal creativity) almost completely living-only-in-my-head-and-not-in-the-real-world fake. An illusion. Not real. Nonexistent.
But I've always been a rules guy. With everything--in all my living.
As I've gotten older, I've begun working to sluff some of that stuff off--the external, authority-based way of seeing the world, and of judging my own "performance" in that world. Living shouldn't be a performance; it should be living. So I'm trying to learn to just "be" me, and I'm trying to learn to let my being me, be enough. More than enough--to let me being me be perfect (say that three times fast). For me. Being me is perfect for me.
What's that have to do with drawing? Well, nothing and everything. Drawing is (has been) one of the ways I've expressed myself throughout my life. And, like most everything else, I've done it with lots of shoulds and shouldn'ts, comparisons and judgements, I'll never be good enoughs and why even trys.
And now I'm saying fuck that, right? Or trying to. It's pretty deeply entrenched, in all my nooks and crannies, art ones included. So I guess what's coming out, here, is that this (blog) is becoming a place for me to record my journey--my ongoing attempts at letting go of my life-long fears of "doing it wrong" as they relate to my art. And to the rest of my living, because it's all intertwined for me.
So (and here's the "short version" part), eight years went by without my picking up a pen or pencil to draw anything at all (occasional quickly aborted attempts notwithstanding). Then, early last spring, I decided to jump back in.
"Jump[ing] back in" involved me trying to pick up exactly where I'd left off, nearly a decade ago, as though no time had passed at all. Not the best idea, in hindsight.
Figure drawing was my first love--considered to be the most difficult drawing subject to tackle, to be done only after mastering all the more basic and intermediate skill sets. Well, I never bothered with those more basic skills back in the day, jumping straight into figure drawing, initially from photographs and then live models.
So last Spring, ignoring the almost decade long drawing-dearth and its likelihood of accompanying drop in confidence, I found some short-pose model sessions online (no way was I brave enough to show up to a live session at that point) and tried my hand at those. And basically, I realized pretty quick I don't know (and never have known) how to gesture draw...
What I mean is, all my previous figure drawing had been either from photographs or in a live setting (with long poses), and I realized I have no idea how to translate that into quickly grabbing lines of action, distilling things down, etc. Apparently it's a whole different way of seeing. (Who knew?)
So. Having had that recognition, I was led, initially, to an intense but short-lived
Because while creating spontaneously sans technique is freeing (and safe-feeling) in it's own right, I'm realizing now I also want to build skill that in turn allows even more freedom as I continue along my winding way.
So. I came across a site where people offer video-based instruction around pretty much anything: business, design, photography, whatever. You name it, somebody's selling video instruction for it on this site. The site itself had mixed reviews, but I found what seemed to be a highly regarded fellow there who was offering drawing courses with an extremely basic focus. Which is just what I was after.
Now this was really basic stuff, like "Drawing Circles and Ovals," "Straight Lines and Shapes," and "Working with Curves." The instructor's idea was to start with basic shapes, each lesson building on the previous one, and finish up with a "put these abstract skills all together to draw an actual something-or-other."
Well, I got through all the basic stuff (and it was extremely liberating, just to be able to make marks on paper with no pressure to create anything "beautiful" or "realistic"), but I'll tell you right now I got scared and stopped right as I got to the "put it all together and draw a real picture" part of the course.
Which seems a little ridiculous since my blog here is already full of "real pictures." Nonetheless, that's what happened. Sure, my work schedule went crazy about that time and life got (a lot) busier, but I could've made time to keep moving forward with that little course. I just got scared. Maybe I'll go back to finish it in the future, I don't know.
But between dropping that course and now, I've decided I want to focus on pen and ink (and that online course's techniques were all very graphite-specific). I've decided ink just suits my temperament in a way pencil never has (but since I'd always "heard" pencil should be worked with/mastered first, I'd mostly stuck to that - without actually learning the techniques to master it).
And so here's where I'm trying to bridge that gap I've always had in my head, between following what "the establishment" says I should do (even if it's often sound advice) and following my own creative instincts (initially freeing but ultimately limiting). In the past I've eschewed any established wisdom/technique. Today I'm choosing into learning technique, but using a medium that I'm choosing because it suits me, regardless of established wisdom.
Which seems a little ridiculous since my blog here is already full of "real pictures." Nonetheless, that's what happened. Sure, my work schedule went crazy about that time and life got (a lot) busier, but I could've made time to keep moving forward with that little course. I just got scared. Maybe I'll go back to finish it in the future, I don't know.
But between dropping that course and now, I've decided I want to focus on pen and ink (and that online course's techniques were all very graphite-specific). I've decided ink just suits my temperament in a way pencil never has (but since I'd always "heard" pencil should be worked with/mastered first, I'd mostly stuck to that - without actually learning the techniques to master it).
And so here's where I'm trying to bridge that gap I've always had in my head, between following what "the establishment" says I should do (even if it's often sound advice) and following my own creative instincts (initially freeing but ultimately limiting). In the past I've eschewed any established wisdom/technique. Today I'm choosing into learning technique, but using a medium that I'm choosing because it suits me, regardless of established wisdom.
So I bought a couple of books on pen and ink, which is what I'm practicing from now. More on that later.
For now, here are some of the oh-so-liberating exercises I did as part of the pencil video course thing.
Also, for fun, I decided to do most of the exercises using both my left and right hands. Right is my dominant writing/drawing hand--although I'm left handed/footed with most sport-y kinds of things. To be clear, I suck at most sport-y kinds of things, but I suck way less with my left limbs than I do with my rights. So anyway, I wondered how the left hand would fare drawing and decided to find out. (Also very freeing.)
Video Class Thingy #1
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| The course started with doing "just get comfortable making marks on paper" kinds of exercises--ridiculously liberating for me. I've never been a doodler and am not sure I'd ever given myself permission to just "make marks" before.... |
Video Class Thingy #2
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| Then it moved into making freehand circles. Again, I was shocked at how freeing it felt to just... make circles... no other agenda going on in my head. I was also surprised to find I could draw reasonable circles without a compass, etc. The above would be the right (dominant) hand... |
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| ...and some left handed circles. Rougher, to be sure, but these actually were turning out better than I'd assumed they would. |
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| Moved on to ovals... Again, I was surprised I could even do this. (right hand) |
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| (left hand) |
Video Class Thingy #3
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| Then focus switched from rounded lines/shapes to straight lines and shapes. I learned here that working with a tiny sketchbook is not the same as a 2 by 3 foot pad on an easel... (right hand) |
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| ...but propping the book up to simulate an easel helped some. (right hand again) The instructor's technique was very large paper and easel-centric. So trying to follow his instruction using a small sketchbook was frustrating at times. (And traditionally I haven't been very good at letting an external authority's opinions be "wrong" for me--so I kept on trying to use his techniques in a way they weren't designed to be used....) |
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| (left hand) |
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| Then things moved into angle-guesstimation... eyeball various angle lines and draw them out freehand. (right hand) |
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| And one of my left handed attempts. (Angles did not fare well with my left hand.) |
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| From there, the course went into using this newfound angle-y-skill to judge and reproduce various angles. Basically, eyeballing existing shapes and trying to reproduce them accurately--beginning with equilateral triangles. (right hand) |
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| (left hand) |
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| Then with more complex angles.... (right hand) |
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| (left hand) |
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| (right hand again) |
Video Class Thingy #4
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| Okay. From there, it went to stretching and warping shapes, which I also loved playing with. This is all stuff I'd never messed with before. Started with turning circles/ovals into egg shapes. (right hand) |
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| (left hand) |
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| And then moving into warping ovals and other rounded shapes in different ways. This was so cool--I was seeing how some of these abstract shapes could become the basis for an arm, trunk or glute. Very cool.... (right hand) |
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| (left hand) |
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| The course finished off the warping shapes piece by moving into stretched/warped angular shapes. (right hand) |
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| (left hand) |
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| Then, worked at drawing a curved line or shape, and reproducing it using straight line angles. This was weird. And harder than I thought it'd be. But I did it. (right hand) |
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| (left hand) |
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| (right hand) |
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| (left hand) With epiphany that I get bored quickly when I'm drawing, and stop paying attention to what I'm seeing.... |
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| Found here (not part of the guy's instruction) that I benefit from making "sight marks" (not sure if that's a term or not--now it is) to help me set down more accurate angles. (right hand) |
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| (left hand) |
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| Finished the whole thing off with instruction of just filling pages with shapes.... (right hand) |
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| (left hand) |
Video Class Thingy #5
And that's it. As far as I got--this was right up to the point of "next lesson is drawing an actual thing."
Of course, I did way more exercises than shown here--just giving an example of the various things. It was here that life got busy and I stopped drawing again, buying a couple of pen and ink books in the midst, but not having time or energy to really look at them until recently.
Which is where I'll pick it up next time.
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